


The Beat Goes On

by sekaipup



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Domestic Boyfriends, Light Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Raeon - Freeform, Student Kim Jongin | Kai, Student Oh Sehun, sekai with kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:35:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22891837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sekaipup/pseuds/sekaipup
Summary: College students Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun wanted a degree together, but they made a baby together instead. Life and dream starting to go against each other.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 9
Kudos: 45





	The Beat Goes On

Inside the bedchamber of two college boys, under the pale moonlight passing through the glass of windows, a soft breath blowing onto Sehun's skin. Jongin's half body throwing on his top, possessive hand wrapping around his torso, lightly and secure. Jongin's face inch kissing his jawline. Sehun, on the other hand, both legs were between Jongin's legs.

His boyfriend was a messy sleeper. It didn't come up a surprise to Sehun how close they are falling on their shared mattress. Blanket no longer covering their naked body. He hitched a bit, planning to remove Jongin's hands, but the devil envelopes him more closely. “Keep me warm,” Jongin grunts, snugging his self to him. Sehun tried to jerk his boyfriend hands again.

Unfornately, Jongin never want him to let go.

“I need to pee, Jongin~” Sehun whines. Almost kicking Jongin out of bed.

Even in the latter grogginess, Jongin release him from his embrace and twist to other direction. Sehun with his naked body sprint to their bathroom right away. He gritted his teeth whenever he take a steps. His body all sour and bruises because Jongin gave him a harder and a longer ride. That devil glory every parts of his body. He ravished even a bits of his soul. Both didn't stop until they satisfied and worn out.

When Sehun goes out in the bathroom, Jongin's bare back muscles and a well define bum facing him. The scratched Sehun did still lingering red on his back. He shook his head and search for his boxer that carelessly thrown several hours ago. The clothes they were wearing casted on the floor. Sehun found his boxer near the door. Traipsing, he picks and wore it again. Sehun low the temperature in their room to 24° because Jongin barely stand the cold.

Sehun crawls on the bed once again, kissing the red marks gently on his boyfriend's back and hugs Jongin from behind after he yank the blanket upto their neck to keep them out of colds. Jongin makes a low moans unconsciously and he tightened Sehun's dainty arms roughly to his chest as he enlace their fingers.

Since they decided to live together, Sehun got this habit of making Jongin his human version of pillow. Sometimes... he can't believe how clingy he was to his boyfriend and vice versa. Sehun likes skinship so much as he qouted Jongin, and his boyfriend willing to reciprocate it whenever.

The next time Sehun woke up, he blindly welcome by the sunlight. Jongin no longer in his side. He sat up, blinking multiple times. No more clothes casting on the floor.

Sehun does his shower first, wearing a simple plain black shirt and stripes blue boxer before going out their room. A loud wailing kid echoes throughout the area soon he was halfway the distance in their living room. He is aware of the headache coming already. Sighing, Sehun slowly pushed his feet towards the said space.

He'd welcome at the sight of fully cad Jongin's back, swaying Raeon on his arms and calming his crying three years old nephew. He lullaby him for the baby to stop, but Raeon continue weeping and trying to let go on his uncle holds. The kid said _Kai-cle... go... me... Raeon-ie..._ while in tears.

Jongin will certainly be a good father, where his kids will brags that their Daddy is the best Dad in the world. He'll be a great father in the future.

That's one of their differences. Jongin loves kids. Sehun _dislike_ kids.

He hates everytime they cries.

He hates how their toys throw carelessly on the floor.

He hates how messy they are and keeps spitting their food or milk.

He hates their tantrums when he don't understand them well.

He hates when configured systematically become unorganized because of them.

And lastly, he hates whenever kids kissed him and their saliva spilling all over his cheeks.

Oh Sehun hates anything they do. He dislike kids, but not to the extend that he'll be heartless. No, he just really not fond on their bright and bubbly spirit unlike Kim Jongin.

“Stop crying, Raeon-ie, you'll wake up uncle Sehun. He's a beast when his rest got disturb.” Jongin chides before letting out a chuckles. Sehun propably kick him right now if Raeon wasn't on Jongin's care. How can he badmouth him?!

He mutely close their distance and spank his boyfriend's butt harshly. Jongin yelps in horror earning his nephew to cries more. “How dare you disgrace me behind my back?” Sehun sput, pretending to be mad at him. All Jongin have do was to simply wink at him to refrain his about to outburst complaint.

Sehun can't stand anymore the crying poor baby. He snatched Raeon from Jongin while glaring at his boyfriend. Raeon's eyes are bloody red, puffy and full of tears. He felt annoyed how Jongin let him cries his eyes out. Sehun did his job instead, trying to make the baby comfortable in his arms and snugging his cheeks to calm down. He whispers a little sweet things to Raeon's left ear and the latter little hands clasp at his shirt. The baby lets out a soft whimper.

“Here,” Jongin offered the bottle milk after shaking it. Sehun didn't notice he was gone earlier because he was busy to soothed the baby. Sehun rest Raeon on the couch and pacify him his milk. He is no longer crying, but Sehun still carding his hair and caress his balloon cheek to snooze him. He wasn't aware the admiration in Jongin's eyes right now with a small smiles flashed on his lips while watching him babying his nephew. All of a sudden, a hand grips Sehun's hair to tilt his head and before he could mutter a word, Jongin crashed their lips together. Jongin devour him hard and breathtaking, sandwiching sleeping Raeon. “You're making me crazy.” he told Sehun before freeing him.

Feel scandalous, Sehun's blazing eyes Jongin. However, he was taken back at how Jongin's look at him. The brunette male's orbs dilated with his trademark winky smirk. Not so deep dimple showing. His hazelnuts eyes telling Sehun more than the words can describes itself.

He is a needs and wants for him.

He is a heaven and hell for him.

It was the same scenario when he first met Jongin who has a platinum blonde hair, same as him. That color suit to Jongin better than him in his point of view. Whatever his boyfriend's hair color, it always bring justice even the ugliest ones. Jongin can pulled it without a doubt. He brings matters to things that doesn't matter before.

Yet Jongin appears devilish and hot for Sehun to take.

Sehun recalls year 2015. He was freaking out. One step punching the said man. Almost sued him. How he cannot? Jongin showed up in front of him, carrying a barely year old baby and told him he's the father! Sehun haven't done intimate to anyone and he was sure that the guy was really stranger to him. But Jongin take it back, not before he made fun of him. Then, he proceed saying about wanting to get Sehun's attention and wanted to know him. Jongin told him how he secretly watching him afar. Sehun was freaking out and he never run so fast in his life until then. The brunnete man confident has no ego to uphold.

Since that day, Sehun learn how persistence the people was if they badly want something because Jongin never stops bugging him, chasing him, affirming his love for him with flooded pride and a whole boasting even Sehun said to leave him alone. Sehun questioned himself how could someone as good looking as Jongin, as charming as Jongin, wasting his time to get him. What's to him to like? He was just plain boring. Someone that's not worth choosing for. He's that person others would leave in no time for someone else who's better in all aspect. He don't understand.

He conclude Jongin was toying him and sooner would be gone because he realize he won't settle for less. That he deserves more than a mediocre Sehun.

Sehun evade him under any circumstances. Making Jongin waits in vain, trashing all the things he gave. Saying unpleasant words, offensive remarks and a lot of insult until Jongin can't no longer accept the treatment. Jongin explodes and harshly grasp at Sehun's delicate arms. His eyes perilously direct to him, jaw clenching and plump lips pressed into thin line. Sehun never meet someone he'll fear until now.

“Do you think it's just for fun?! I'd let myself looking fool when it comes to you in the equation. I'd let you treat me like a rubbish because this shit feelings I have for you. I'm trying to get you by ruining myself. I'd vision this nitwit Kim Jongin to be with you all the time, to provide wholesome happiness you needed, to spring you comfort when you feel like not everything going on your way and to be the best me to match the best you. Sehun, I like you. And by liking you, I've forget to give some respect on myself. Please... don't make me wish bad things for having a feelings for you. Don't push me away anymore.” He plead. His gaze turn soft with unshed tears. Sehun felt his throat getting dries. He is breaking Jongin little by little. “Do you want me gone in your life? No matter how hard it will be, I promise you to never hear anything from me again. Do you want me to?” asked him, lips twitching and eyes didn't stop moving. Close of having a breakdown in front of him.

Sehun was protecting his self on someone who is trying to crash his walls so bad. At least now, he knows Jongin was capable of being mad.

“Can you handle heartbreak, Jongin?” He asks low, head straight to him. Jongin nodded. He rather see his world's crumbling than letting Sehun go. Small smiles creep to Sehun's lips. “I shall allow you to stay with me, then.”

That was the day they become a thing. The day Sehun welcome Jongin in his life with his both arms. Sehun never knew they will go far and deep. That Jongin will be the love of his life. His soulmate.

Nevertheless, it was never been easy. Sehun's parents don't like Jongin that much, exactly goes to Jongin's parents. The thing that both of them thankful was their parents didn't says rude or disgusting remark. They let them have each other, move into an apartment together and make decision for theirselves. They didn't cut their allowance and made them a promise to have that degree they aiming for.

Oh Sehun wanted to be a Doctor and Kim Jongin wanted to be a Lawyer.

Both of them never leave their eyes on each other. Sehun wanted to ask Jongin why did the latter loves him so much beyond the bounderies he supposed to. Sehun didn't voice it out because why do he question Jongin's love for him? It's unlikely and knowing Jongin for sure he will be mad at why can't he love him more?

In Sehun's honesty, before they date each other he always thought Jongin's loved whole. He wasn't afraid to show off his love. He will wears that proud posture and smiles whenever he looks at the one he loved. He will give his all attention, pampers you in every way he can. He's the type of guy who is proud, cheers for your dreams and rooting for your success. Jongin's love are purest and absolute. The love like no other can give.

How he get lucky to be that someone Jongin's to loved.

“Sehun,” Jongin whisper, fazing Sehun's thought. His gaze never waver, but this time it hold more intensity and the love on his eyes are on the next level. Sehun frightened at the thought why Jongin loves him like this. So much. Too deep. To the point of Jongin can't love anymore after him. “Once we get our degree, let's settle down.”

Dizziness thunders into Sehun's head. His hold to bottle milk loosen. Heart was hammering sorely on his ribcage. He become more pale, nervousness takes over. His palms were cold as dead.

How he gonna say he can't and don't want to marry him? That the answer is no because marriage isn't his cup of tea.

How he gonna make Jongin understand him without breaking his boyfriend's heart?

How he gonna reject him in less painful way?

Sehun don't like the idea of marriage and kids on his own. Sehun contented already in their set up. He don't ask for more, but Jongin wants more. He don't know how to handle this sudden proposal. Sehun inch in running away. He can't marry Jongin even though he loved him. He can't give him what he wants. He can't give him the family he imagine.

Eventually, he see his self go for it, offering a force smile. “Sure,” Sehun didn't stutter, trying hard not to sound mundane.

Love... love can make him feel and alive, but Kim Jongin can make him do things without his consent just to protect his boyfriend's heart. Sehun shut his beliefs to give Jongin's happiness.

At least he can say, he didn't love him less. He's willing to take Jongin's path, to be the same page with him. He do love him more than his own rule.

Jongin gave him a blindly smiles. Happiness filled on his expression with watered eyes. Sehun return the smiles, but something inside him roaring about pain.

Jongin... Jongin, I love you... but do we have to get married?

Please, I love you... and I'd choose you over the hate of this idea of marriage.

Can you see my burden? If yes, take your words back. I don't want to marry you.

Sehun shut his eyes, breathes deeply before looking down to Raeon again. He never despise marriage this much until now. He was helpless and seconds away to bulge his tears out stick on his eyes.

Later that day, Jongin's sister barge in with kindergarten Rahee in their place to fetch Raeon. She also brought a news of the third baby coming on the way. Sometimes he questioned himself how Jongin's sister handle two kids well at the same time when one was already too much. What more now the upcoming one? If the baby's born, Sehun foresee that Rahee and Raeon will be in their apartment upon day time and just be home at night time. Sure, Jongin's nephew and niece were cute, the cutest among the kids he met, but thinking how he should deal with them get him anxious on seldom days.

Rahee and Raeon loves him. That's the only reason why Sehun letting them do what he hates on kids' behaviour. And Jongin loves the kids, will die for their cuteness. Sehun find it charming.

“I want a baby,” Besides him, Jongin spoke to his sister. Smiling to himself, then, he spun his head a little and his eyes glinting as it fixed at Sehun's. “I want our first baby a girl.”

Sehun stiffed.

Marriage and baby... Jongin bring the topic up at the same day.

Sehun begun to tremble internally and cursing mentally. He was afraid he couldn't grant Jongin's wish. He was praying Jongin isn't that serious. Again... he can't give him the family he imagine them to be. Sehun never thought of marriage at all.

_God, is this how I'm gonna lost you? Is this how we fall apart?_

He blinked at him. Several times with his parted lips. Sehun would like to disappear. To hide from his boyfriend. God knows how he will be a genie for Jongin's request if only he don't have background to check.

Sehun terrified marriage because his father's side has this records of constantly cheating on those people they've vowed to love for the rest of their lives. He saw how his uncles filing a divorce when they fell out love. He witnessed their partners begging to stay, the massive pain and the stupidity for holding to the one who once loved you. He shed tears for his cousins who can't do anything, but accepted their parents separation.

He's not sure if he able to handle the marriage Jongin's suggesting to and get the same tragedy if Jongin don't love him anymore. Sehun is aware about Jongin's love for him, but until when?

Until when Jongin will love Sehun?

It's traumatizing. Sehun is about to experience the same fate. Jongin will leave him to find best that wasn't him. If that happened, Sehun sure enough kissing Jongin's foot to stop him walking away in his life. He’ll beg and beg to try to fall in love with him once more. Jongin will be the biggest destroyer in his life because his entire system connected to him. He permit Jongin printed his name all over his body and gave him the power to have the rights on him.

If Sehun terrifies marriage, having a baby is his demolition. He's afraid he couldn't bear a child. Maybe he inherit from his mother's side. His mother miscarriage two times before she had Sehun. His mother's family either fails to carry them on their womb or they lost their lives after giving birth. Sehun's afraid he'll be the first one who can't give Jongin his own flesh. He worry Jongin would despise him to hell if he knows his situation.

Sehun dislike kids, but if Jongin wants them he could give it a try.

“Take a breath,” Jongin mumbled, exhaling his breathe inside Sehun's mouth. Sehun realize Jongin already sitting on his lap, legs wrapping on his waist and he's cupping Sehun's face to give him oxygen. Sehun coughed over his boyfriend's mouth. Jongin panted and rest his forehead to Sehun's. “You scared me. If you're not ready by that time, I could wait for you. God, you didn't move at all and the color on your face leave you. Don't scare the hell out of me like that.” He told him. Sehun felt Jongin's hand shivers on his cheeks. Sehun grab Jongin's dick to distract him on his thought earning a hit from the latter. Jongin giggles and smashed their lips together once again. It didn't take a minute before they froze.

“Kai-cle and Hun-cle kissed! Rahee want kiss!” Jongin's niece chimes and climb in the couch. Jongin's sister watch them fondly with Raeon on her arms.

A month later, Sehun notice the changes on his body. He knows what's happening to him. He's a future Doctor after all. He isn't just aiming for the title. He's living for it.

Sehun mindlessly walking back and forth, waiting for Jongin to arrive. He skipped class today. His mind might explode for continues thinking stupid things. His body condition isn't helping him too, stomach aching, vomiting and dizziness could cause him unconsciousness.

His fear coming to life.

Sehun got all the symptoms when one's bore a life inside their womb. He tries multiple times using pregnancy test and the result just the same. Fucking positive! So he went to the hospital earlier hoping it was just illusion and the test was false alarm. However, the license Doctor said otherwise that he is indeed pregnant.

Sehun shake at the news. What if he'll miscarriage just like his mom? What if he may not be able to survive bearing a child? He's thankful he is not spotting yet.

This is killing him already. He's losing his mind about this.

He screeched when someone poke him and holding a stem of strong shade of red rose. Jongin was in his business suits, clean and smells nice while tooth grinning at Sehun, offers the rose to him. Jongin never failed to give any present to him whenever he's back in their apartment.

Sehun's lips tremble, tears' about to fall. His boyfriend finally home. His Jongin finally with him because Sehun's close to black outs.

A pair of strong hands grabbing his cheeks. Jongin's visibly panicking at Sehun's state. “Love, what's wrong?” Worries lace in his voice. His eyes searching for something in Sehun's orbs. His heart throbbing painfully in the cage. This is not what Jongin's expecting when he was driving back to their apartment.

Sehun can't mutter a words. He pointed the brown envelope to Jongin which makes the latter confuse. Jongin gave him a chaste kiss before letting him go and traipse to get the envelope scatters on the floor.

Everything becomes slow motion for Sehun. The way Jongin opening the envelope seems the trailer of the horror movie, it's shuddery and nerve wrecking. Each second Sehun wanted to admit himself to funeral.

The color on Jongin's face drained upon reading what's inside the envelope. His knees almost give up that scares Sehun more. Jongin turn his head, meeting his eyes with unreadable expression. Both of them has an eyes quivering in fear.

“You're... pregnant.” Jongin's breathes, barely uttered the words. He brushed his face upto his hair before frowning at Sehun. “You can't continue Medicine in that state, Sehun! You know they'll kick you out because of their policy! You can't get pregnant while studying in Med school. Fuck, were you thinking?!” He exclaims in frustration.

Sehun's head felt spinning because his boyfriend was right. His body can't handle the pressure, the workloads and the never ending reading medical's book. This is not the right time to get pregnant. He still kicking his ass off to survive Medicine. He badly wants to be a Doctor with pride. But why Jongin making it looks like it's Sehun's fault? He didn't make the baby alone.

“You should not put your dick inside me and spread your sperm when I told you to withdraw it! You should not fuck the hell of me every night, pleasingly bruising my skin and says you love me afterwards! This one is yours too, why you only pointing the blame on me?!” Sehun exclaims, getting to hold his stomach hard because it's hurting again, as if someone's squeezing everything that's inside him.

Jongin's expression become worried nearly taking a step towards him, but he wash it off in instant. He, then, grab his case which makes Sehun's angry. “I do love you. I really really do, but I don't think I'm ready to be a father. Isn't on my list yet. I still want to hold my degree or else my parents will kill me with their bare hands.”

Those were his last words before storming out in their apartment without looking back, without asking Sehun if he was alright just like he used to. Jongin left him not because he get miscarriage. He left because of Sehun's pregnancy.

He carelessly sat down on the nearest sofa and cries his heart out. The man he think that will be a good father has no balls when it comes to his own baby. Sehun knows the timing is not right, but leaving him alone in this situaton doesn't help. This only gave him a huge distress.

Who he need to blame?

What things he need to look back to know where he should begun repenting? Is it the day he met Jongin or is it the day he let Jongin entering his life?

He don't know anymore.

One thing is for sure, Sehun will keep his baby safe inside him while planning to do what's next.

A whole week, Jongin didn't step a foot on their apartment. As much as possible Sehun don't want to think about him because he's stressing him out. It's only breaking him in the tiniest pieces. But it's hard because Sehun always wonders where is he, how is he, what is he doing or did he even think of him and their baby. Sometimes he have the urge of meeting Jongin and begs him to come back, but he don't have the courage.

Sehun continue his study. Dealing with the hardship of being pregnant. Some days he found himself a crying mess when he was reading, pitying his self why it turn out the worse way and how he gonna endure this challenge without anyone noticing his condition.

He can't study well.

He clearly on his way getting that expulsion.

He has no one to run to. His family will get mad or might disown him. He don't have friends to call.

Suddenly Sehun's world shades of black. Nothing's goes right. His boyfriend left him. His dream slowly slipping away on his hand. His life fucks up big time and vicious.

But he need to be brave. For the baby. For his baby.

He's never fond of kids. He was afraid having of one, but he embrace his baby fully. Sehun thinks he's already inlove with his baby even it's still a mere blood. It was his flesh after all and he gonna do what he need to do. He'll be the parent his baby will proud of. He'll give him what he thinks it's best.

He just hope... nothing bad will happen to the baby. He just hope... he don't inherit anything about pregnancy to his mother's side. God knows it'll wreck Sehun's entire being. He will be perish.

“Sehun...”

He stiffed when Jongin's voice bloom out of nowhere. Sehun wanted to bang his head to the nearest wall for being affected by his boyfriend (?) presence. He collecting his book quickly and plan to jog away. He can't meet him now because he know he'll do the foolish things.

Unluckily, Jongin back hugged him and buried his face to Sehun's nape. He'd stroke his palm slowly and gently to Sehun's flat stomach that earns the latter become submissive. Sehun just wanted to turn around and be caved in Jongin's strong arms. This is what he'd been waiting for, the power of Jongin touch, to feel his love again and for him to accept their baby. “I'm sorry,” he whispered, planted small kisses on his nape. “I'm so sorry for leaving you two,” muttering, and continue stroking before he spinning Sehun's around. Settling his hands to Sehun's side waist. “I've set an appoinment for check-up later. Do you want to come with me?”

For a minute, Sehun just keep staring at him. Wondering what's gotten to Jongin for doing this. He clearly says he wasn't ready yet. What's the change? However, the blooming smiles he did never go unnoticed and it's warms Sehun.

“You must ask how I was and what I've been doing first, idiot. But yes, I'll come with you.”

Jongin sat down and force Sehun to sit on his lap. He keeps caressing Sehun's stomach or kissed his shoulder while saying he wants to feel his baby and wants his baby to feel him too which touch Sehun so much. This is how he envision Jongin way back, being a good father. Jongin get him up and press his ear to Sehun's stomach, saying his long speech sorry to their baby with tears breaming on his eyes. Sehun find it weird because Jongin acting like the baby knows what he did.

Sehun just let him, saying it's alright. Jongin might felt bad for leaving them alone. His conscience might bugging him. The matter for Sehun, he didn't abandon them forever. He massage Jongin's head with a smile on his face.

Jongin tilted and his remorse still there. He lost weight. “I don't know what should we do, but let's do this together. I ain't letting you suffer alone.”

And Sehun thinks that is beyond his I love you's.

Sehun and Jongin back to their business like nothing happened at all. They head in their University together, study together and drove back to their apartment together. Make love to release their stress and frustration. Both of them can balance their student life and lust.

“Fuck,” Jongin abruptly curse and dropping his rules of the court book, earning Sehun to startled and drop his medical book too in reflex. The two was busy reading and reviewing to notice the time. “I forgot you are carrying our little sprout and you can't skip eating lunch or dinner anymore.” he said cursing again.

Sehun forgot about his pregnancy too. He was obsessed learning what's written on his textbook that he neglect his health. Most of the time, he and Jongin only remember to eat when it's already dinner.

Jongin stand up in instant and cook for their late lunch close to snacking time.

That was the time where Sehun noted Jongin made sure he set a reminder to cook for them, set an alarm when it's time to eat because Jongin don't want to risk his baby's wellness especially when Sehun and his classmates having a rotation in the hospital, when he have a sleepless night.

Sometimes, Sehun just go home and embrace Jongin telling he was weary. He is close to burst and express how he want to drop out and just focus on his pregnancy. But he is stopping his self because as much as he want to, he knows Jongin don't want him to give up his dream.

When Jongin's sister drop Raeon in their apartment, he is the one taking care of him. Sehun suddenly fond of the kid. Raeon is exactly looks like his boyfriend when he was a kid. There's a time he jested Jongin about his nephew being actually his boyfriend's son which Jongin whines and screams he only have a baby with him.

Jongin fakes a glare at his nephew. “Raeon-ie! Hun-cle is mine!” said him as his phone's camera filming them. Raeon almost eating Sehun's rosy cheek and his little hand wrapping around his neck. Sehun loves his boyfriend's nephew more than him now. And yeah, Jongin definitely jealous. “Raeon-ie, come to Kai-cle.” But his nephew only frown looking like an angry little bear. Sehun laughs when his boyfriend slides on their side and talks to their baby. “Raeon-ie is not your father. Why you making your other father like him more than me?!” Jongin scolds his baby bump.

Sehun eyed his boyfriend closely. What even is life if he didn't meet Jongin? Sehun covered Raeon's eyes and leans in to kissed his plush lips. Jongin grab the chance, he deeper and murder Sehun's lips. Hands roaming inside Sehun's shirt and the latter's free hand sliding to Jongin's bum.

Sehun wearing a tight jeans, insisting to close the button and holding his breath. They have a group presentation and he can't let them aware about his condition.

“Aren't you squeezing my baby right there?” ask Jongin with his menacing eyes. He's holding a glass of milk and leaning in the doorframe. Sehun can feel his rage within their distance yet he didn't give him a fuck about his boyfriend's thought. “Sehun,” he calls him and really callous.

“Not now. I don't have time to argue with you.”

Jongin walked towards him and put the glass in their side table before pinning Sehun in the mattress. His eyes are flaming mad. His jaw clenching hard. His hold are tight. “You are pregnant. Your body isn't just yours! Think about our baby!” he glower rigorously. “I don't study Medicine, but I know the stage of pregnancy and when it's risky for you. Have you ever thought about... miscarriage? Sehun, we are going to lost our baby if you keep not paying attention about the life inside you. I know how you badly want to be a Doctor, but is it enough to exchange our baby's health? I know your pregnancy have a bad timing, but do you not think our baby is an angel made by us?” he inhales, biting his lower lip. Jongin bring his hand over his stomach and unbutton his jeans. “Sehun... please, don't do this. I'm begging you.” he rubs his hand softly around his tummy. “I still want to hold our baby, give my kisses, watch our baby grow and to be a good father with you.” Jongin said... as if he already imagine a life with their unborn child.

Sehun brokes a sob because his boyfriend is right. He didn't care enough. He only think about aiming a degree. He didn't thought about losing a child was his mother's side curse. He is taking for granted everything. He cupped Jongin's cheeks and force him to face him. It pains him how Jongin look lost and scared. “I'm sorry. My fault. I'm sorry.” he whisper while tears rolling down to his ears. “I'll be careful.”

Jongin surrender his body on their bed, on Sehun's side, and cautiously envelopes him inside his arms. He exhales in relief. “I'm here with you.”

Throughout Sehun's pregnancy, Jongin always down for him. Jongin literally give everything he needed. Jongin studying as well as taking care of them at the same time. Jongin happily reading his books and playing with his unborn baby at the same time because Jongin said he gain motivation on that.

Sehun dropped out on his 5th month. His parents are angry and they refuse to talked to him. He comprehend that to happened. However, it's stings like a bullet strike on your body. Then again, a wind was change because Jongin's parents feasting on the news. Their excitements makes them buy a unisex baby clothes already. They even suggest to move in their house. Jongin's family always in their apartment when Jongin's in the court watching the trials.

Jongin often told Sehun he was beautiful and more glowing in his pregnancy. His big bump was beautiful and extravaganza. Jongin said he never met someone's beautiful like him when pregnant.

Sehun can see the exhilaration radiating within his boyfriend when their baby is kicking. Sehun can feel the love of his boyfriend every second of his life. Jongin cuddles with both of them before they fall asleep. Jongin loves rubbing his rough hand on his big stomach to feel connected to their baby. It was an endearing sight of him how Jongin never goes a day without talking to his baby and how they love them both.

Sehun thinks his feelings for him went deeper and deeper than the sea itself. It was the happiest days of his pregnancy.

“Papa, chase me.” his five years old son said on his kindergarten blue uniform, swirling the toy machine Jongin's bought for their son. His son running around the wood bench.

Sehun with his folded white sleeves and jeans played happily with his son. “Papa's coming to his big baby.” he chimes.

Sehun and their son are near the bay, enthrall on their mini play. When he catch his son, he peppers him with kisses Jongin's love to give him. Their son giggles and asked as innocent as its sound, “Where's Daddy?”

Sehun smile and sat on the bench. He hauls their son on his embrace.

Kim Jongin died in the accident when Sehun giving birth to their baby. According to Jongin's classmate who was with him that time, Jongin was panicking when he receive a phone call and he hurriedly run with the toy on his hand. Yixing – his classmate, followed him, but he was late and saw how fast the truck hits Jongin. Yixing said his last words were _“Sehun... son... love.”_ and tears spring in the corner of his eyes.

In the end, Jongin didn't get a chance to hold their baby, to see his face, to see his smile, to watch him grow and to be a father to him. Jongin wasn't there with him. Jongin leave them.

“Your Daddy?” Sehun throats dries up and something blocking his breath. He hugged their baby. “He is in the place where we can't go anytime we want to.”

Their baby lift the toy's right hand. The only memories Jongin left to their son. His toy. “I want to see Daddy. I love Daddy.”

Sehun holds his tears. He wants to see Jongin too. He wants to say how much he love him too. He wants to grant their son wish, but no matter how much he want it, the answer still no. He can't show him to their son because he no longer with them.

“He loves you.” Sehun mumbled. “He loves you, baby. We love you.” a gust of wind kissed their skins. Sehun pretend Jongin's soul is with them right now, embracing them both.

“ _I love you both_.” Sehun heard Jongin's voice inside his head, the way the latter voice it out when he was pregnant. _“I'm sorry I had to die.”_


End file.
